Once we’ve recognized (noticed) our feelings, we can try to understand them. This can be more difficult then it sounds, especially at school. Classrooms are busy and emotional resources are stretched thin (1 teacher:26 kids). Understanding takes time and energy, and both can seem like limited resources at school.
But there are things we can do to help ourselves and our students increase our capacity for understanding. Here are some tips:
Ask Thoughtful Questions & Listen to the Answers
Sometimes we need to talk through our feelings in order to understand them. When kids are overwhelmed by their feelings, they may need an adult to scaffold this conversation for them. After helping them locate their feeling on the mood meter, you can ask some questions:
- When did you begin to feel this way?
- What were you doing when you began to feel this way?
- What were you thinking about when you began to feel this way?
- Who were you with when you began to feel this way?
- Has something been going on that caused you to feel this way?
Practice Emotional Understanding During Book Discussions
Discussing a character’s emotions allows students to practice this skill without simultaneously coping with their own difficult emotions. As Marc Brackett points out in Permission to Feel, understanding emotions relies on our storytelling abilities:
Some questions to ask during read alouds or novel studies:
- How is the main character feeling?
- What events, people, or circumstances contributed to this feeling?
- Why does the character feel this way?
- In her shoes, would you feel the same way? Why or why not?
The Value of Understanding
Understanding a feeling and where it comes from provides us with the information we need to move forward. For example, in Permission to Feel, Brackett points out the difference between stress and pressure (both feelings teachers experience a lot of the time):
“Stress is a response to too many demands and not enough resources–managing both family/work responsibilities and financial burdens–to meet them. Pressure is a situation in which you perceive that something at stake is dependent on the outcome of your performance like performing in front of a group or acing an interview.”
Marc Brackett, Permission to Feel
This distinction between stress and pressure is helpful. For example, if you feel frazzled and realize you’re stressed, you can determine where the gap is between your demands and resources. Then you can problem solve by trying to decrease your demands, or somehow increase your resources. Understanding that you’re stressed helps you identify the problem, and points to possible answers.
Inspired by the RULER method as described in Permission to Feel, I’ve created a series of units to take you and your students through the RULER method. If you’re interested you can preview the second unit on understanding emotions.
